OK, so the tone of this article will be heavily biased because some little old man ruined my day this morning.
I don't know what it is about this place--possibly the accrued years and decades of social abuse and emotional repression--but there are a number of elderly people in this country who could best be described as "assholes". Also, "bigots".
So I was walking down the street and this old guy comes rushing in my direction. I actually shifted to the side and stood by, letting him pass, but was that good enough for him? Oh no. No, of course not. He cursed me most evilly in his native language. No idea what it was he was saying, but it was clearly abusive in nature.
And you know if one person says it, 80% of everyone else is thinking it. Thus opening a mass of unending hatreds against humanity as a whole. They are such jerks. Bigots, racists, jerks. Selfish, greedy monsters. I could go on. All the anger I spent the last year trying to repress has re-opened. I am NOT in a good mood. But I digress.
So I managed to break the screen of my computer several weeks ago. Just the screen.
This computer was a throwaway $150 piece of shit anyway, but it's got my private journal, some artwork, and any number of creative works on it. Another one gone.
So I took it to the repair shop today, and it's going to cost the equivalent of $400 to get the screen fixed. Which is about as much money as I earned last month because I have no job security and I'm not likeable enough to get a lot of students (yes, really). I didn't have the power cord, so I couldn't do anything about it anyway.
Might not be much of a problem, except--and I have no idea how this happened--I somehow managed to throw away my old wallet, which had my credit card, my bank card, and about $1000 worth of cash for the upcoming month. Right after I got back from Cambodia.
No, I don't know what happened. No one stole it. It was with all my stuff; I think I must have put it in one of the multitudes of plastic bags they give you for every single purchase ever in this country...forgotten about it...and assumed it was trash. A good argument against plastic bags, though I'm pretty sure you just think I'm an idiot. Fine, I am.
You know what else? I'm hopelessly self-destructive. Everything I touch turns to dust and ruin; I'm some sort of "counter"-success, the "example" God puts on this earth to warn everyone.
Don't even tell me "It could be worse" because, goddamn it, I know. I'm like...struggling for ANYTHING positive to say in this blog anymore...I'm not being "biased against the good in my life" or anything...and I am frankly stumped. Illness, robbery, neglect, loneliness, depression, and a whole host of other things over the last year I'm trying to update (except my computer). These entries will involve (among other things) a sociopath, a major depressive crisis, extremely judgemental people at work, and a crap roommate.
The most positive things I could possibly say revolve around the fact that there's candy at the convenience stores...no that's not a delusion, I've held off for months just trying to spin this in a remotely positive manner so I don't have to deal with more abuse from stupid people bitching about how I'm "too negative"...AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I'M COMPLAINING. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I HAVE ENDURED OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS, SO SHUT UP! Just shut your fucking mouths.
Also my dad is probably dying of pancreatic cancer but NO ONE IN MY FAMILY CAN BE BOTHERED TO KEEP ME UPDATED. So if you guys are reading this, you're shit heads.
I'd like to get out of here, but alas. I have no means to do so anymore and no better career to run to. Probably I'm psychiatrically incapable of even holding down a regular job at this stage. I'm not cute and young anymore, so no one will save me (actually, they've been quick to point out exactly how undesirable my age makes me)...it's bad, it's only gonna get worse, and that is my life. It is utter fucking garbage. I can tell you, life has pulled me into an undertow, and I'm not sure I'm getting out alive anymore.
I'll update the rest so at least you know why and will see I'm not just being unreasonable. Of course, you'll tell me I'm being "over dramatic" or "too sensitive" or something. That's cause you're sitting there in a first world country without a care in the world. I very seriously say, you may not hear from me again beyond what I am about to tell you.
(Backdated from September 2015, on 20 April 2017)
I don't know what it is about this place--possibly the accrued years and decades of social abuse and emotional repression--but there are a number of elderly people in this country who could best be described as "assholes". Also, "bigots".
So I was walking down the street and this old guy comes rushing in my direction. I actually shifted to the side and stood by, letting him pass, but was that good enough for him? Oh no. No, of course not. He cursed me most evilly in his native language. No idea what it was he was saying, but it was clearly abusive in nature.
And you know if one person says it, 80% of everyone else is thinking it. Thus opening a mass of unending hatreds against humanity as a whole. They are such jerks. Bigots, racists, jerks. Selfish, greedy monsters. I could go on. All the anger I spent the last year trying to repress has re-opened. I am NOT in a good mood. But I digress.
So I managed to break the screen of my computer several weeks ago. Just the screen.
This computer was a throwaway $150 piece of shit anyway, but it's got my private journal, some artwork, and any number of creative works on it. Another one gone.
So I took it to the repair shop today, and it's going to cost the equivalent of $400 to get the screen fixed. Which is about as much money as I earned last month because I have no job security and I'm not likeable enough to get a lot of students (yes, really). I didn't have the power cord, so I couldn't do anything about it anyway.
Might not be much of a problem, except--and I have no idea how this happened--I somehow managed to throw away my old wallet, which had my credit card, my bank card, and about $1000 worth of cash for the upcoming month. Right after I got back from Cambodia.
No, I don't know what happened. No one stole it. It was with all my stuff; I think I must have put it in one of the multitudes of plastic bags they give you for every single purchase ever in this country...forgotten about it...and assumed it was trash. A good argument against plastic bags, though I'm pretty sure you just think I'm an idiot. Fine, I am.
You know what else? I'm hopelessly self-destructive. Everything I touch turns to dust and ruin; I'm some sort of "counter"-success, the "example" God puts on this earth to warn everyone.
Don't even tell me "It could be worse" because, goddamn it, I know. I'm like...struggling for ANYTHING positive to say in this blog anymore...I'm not being "biased against the good in my life" or anything...and I am frankly stumped. Illness, robbery, neglect, loneliness, depression, and a whole host of other things over the last year I'm trying to update (except my computer). These entries will involve (among other things) a sociopath, a major depressive crisis, extremely judgemental people at work, and a crap roommate.
The most positive things I could possibly say revolve around the fact that there's candy at the convenience stores...no that's not a delusion, I've held off for months just trying to spin this in a remotely positive manner so I don't have to deal with more abuse from stupid people bitching about how I'm "too negative"...AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I'M COMPLAINING. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I HAVE ENDURED OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS, SO SHUT UP! Just shut your fucking mouths.
Also my dad is probably dying of pancreatic cancer but NO ONE IN MY FAMILY CAN BE BOTHERED TO KEEP ME UPDATED. So if you guys are reading this, you're shit heads.
I'd like to get out of here, but alas. I have no means to do so anymore and no better career to run to. Probably I'm psychiatrically incapable of even holding down a regular job at this stage. I'm not cute and young anymore, so no one will save me (actually, they've been quick to point out exactly how undesirable my age makes me)...it's bad, it's only gonna get worse, and that is my life. It is utter fucking garbage. I can tell you, life has pulled me into an undertow, and I'm not sure I'm getting out alive anymore.
I'll update the rest so at least you know why and will see I'm not just being unreasonable. Of course, you'll tell me I'm being "over dramatic" or "too sensitive" or something. That's cause you're sitting there in a first world country without a care in the world. I very seriously say, you may not hear from me again beyond what I am about to tell you.
(Backdated from September 2015, on 20 April 2017)
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