In two weeks I will have officially moved to Japan. Matters grow weighty as I try to fix my teeth, gather supplies, arrange accommodations, and find somewhere to store all the stuff I can't afford to take with me.
Allow me to explain: my future employer is not paying or supporting me in any way. I am expected to arrange everything from afar and "just show up" on time, perky and ready to go. I am also expected to navigate Japanese society as a total white freak with no language skills and set up a phone line, bank account, residence card by myself before signing the contract to begin working. Makes you grateful for the internet, ya?
Given that my parents plopped me down in the woods as a child and more or less expected me to raise myself with minimal input, this is hardly something new. Yet, after years of struggling just to walk down the sidewalk without bruising myself on a motorbike, being run down by a reversing car, being hit by someone's football game, stepping in urine, whatever...it's just one more hassle. Just one more hassle that makes me want to grab someone and physically shove the paperwork down their throat: NO, YOU DEAL WITH IT.
It's extremely brutal, and now that I'm 31, actually somewhat beneath me. This is not an adventure, this is annoying!!
The thought of going through all this, combined with showing up in a hostile world totally alone and dragging all my luggage across Western Japan has left me feeling so utterly melancholy that I have done the rare thing: I have chosen to live in a dorm room. With other people.
Those who know me know I am territorial and can't share my space. After living with a shit head from Nigeria for two months, I vowed NEVER to share space with another human being. Ever.
Today I had to violate that vow. I've been isolated for 3 years, deathly ill, with not one person (INCLUDING MY OWN MOTHER) to call me and tell me my life even matters to the world anymore. And I just don't want to be alone anymore. The mere thought of arriving alone and isolated only to come into an empty, unfurnished house and carry on going about my meaningless existence, still alone...just makes me want to roll into a ball of despair.
I may regret it later, but it's becoming clear to me that I cannot continue living in isolation. So, I've taken out a dorm room, an airticket, and submitted my visa request to the Embassy of Japan. And I do so hoping that my long years of suffering will one day come to an end.
ADVENTURE...?
Allow me to explain: my future employer is not paying or supporting me in any way. I am expected to arrange everything from afar and "just show up" on time, perky and ready to go. I am also expected to navigate Japanese society as a total white freak with no language skills and set up a phone line, bank account, residence card by myself before signing the contract to begin working. Makes you grateful for the internet, ya?
Given that my parents plopped me down in the woods as a child and more or less expected me to raise myself with minimal input, this is hardly something new. Yet, after years of struggling just to walk down the sidewalk without bruising myself on a motorbike, being run down by a reversing car, being hit by someone's football game, stepping in urine, whatever...it's just one more hassle. Just one more hassle that makes me want to grab someone and physically shove the paperwork down their throat: NO, YOU DEAL WITH IT.
It's extremely brutal, and now that I'm 31, actually somewhat beneath me. This is not an adventure, this is annoying!!
The thought of going through all this, combined with showing up in a hostile world totally alone and dragging all my luggage across Western Japan has left me feeling so utterly melancholy that I have done the rare thing: I have chosen to live in a dorm room. With other people.
Those who know me know I am territorial and can't share my space. After living with a shit head from Nigeria for two months, I vowed NEVER to share space with another human being. Ever.
Today I had to violate that vow. I've been isolated for 3 years, deathly ill, with not one person (INCLUDING MY OWN MOTHER) to call me and tell me my life even matters to the world anymore. And I just don't want to be alone anymore. The mere thought of arriving alone and isolated only to come into an empty, unfurnished house and carry on going about my meaningless existence, still alone...just makes me want to roll into a ball of despair.
I may regret it later, but it's becoming clear to me that I cannot continue living in isolation. So, I've taken out a dorm room, an airticket, and submitted my visa request to the Embassy of Japan. And I do so hoping that my long years of suffering will one day come to an end.
ADVENTURE...?
