I regret to inform the world that Baby has died.
You might think that I fed him improperly, causing him to choke and develop pneumonia. Or you might think that I simply fed him the wrong sorts of food. Or maybe it had nothing to do with me, but the parents simply rejected him because he was diseased in the first place.
You might think that. But actually it was George W. Bush's fault.
Because George W. Bush blew up my house.
Despite the fact that Bush has been out of office for the last two and a half years...despite the fact that now that Obama holds office and we're supposed to blame him for everything...and despite the fact that I am virtually unknown among the US citizenry, let alone to the US government...despite all this, George W. Bush launched a major airstrike on my place of residence last evening, demolishing the building and killing Baby.
Spokesmen say the attacks are retaliation for my representing Libya in the Model Arab League in 2006 and for time spent in Yemen speaking Arabic in 2007. Spokesmen further cite my involvement in Cambodian expatriate life, as the local Western expat community is composed solely of fugitives, convicts, and pedophiles.
The missiles struck as I sat grading my papers last evening. They tore through my roof and demolished all four floors of the apartment complex in a fiery torrent of doom, leaving a nothing but a pile of smoldering rubble in their wake.
Somehow uninjured, I crawled out from the rubble, crying my horror and despair to whatever gods may be.
I called out to Baby, who had been asleep in his nesting box. But his terrified peeping did not return my frantic cries. For my baby bird, who brought me so much light and joy, lay crushed beneath the rocks.
He was laid to rest in a pot with a dead rose bush morning next.
Spokesmen say no other civilians were injured the attacks, presumably because they were out dealing drugs or in brothels. The landlady could not be reached for comment.
***
*Although this story is fiction, in no way shape or form should that detract from the underlying truth of this narrative.
I'd thought of all the causes you've listed in 'you might think...' but then you blamed your ex-president, I think he was probably chocking on his champagne by then.(In Cambodia we have a silly notion that when you mention some people behind their backs, they'll start chocking or sneezing and even biting their tongue off because of a psychic effect). Gosh, you must've hated W.Bush's gut so much then.
ReplyDeletePS: RIP Baby.
Lol, if George W. Bush were to choke every time someone said something about him behind his back, he'd have been dead before he even got to be President!
ReplyDeletehahahah That's what I thought too. If cursing and gossiping could kill, I'd do it everyday.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear your bird didn't make it. It was a valiant effort, Liz...
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