About that...

Remember last week's rant about my school's new system of electing students?  Today, our duly elected Class Presidents and Vice Presidents are supposed to attend a meeting with the founder and president of the school.  He is an ex-ministry official.  Good thing none of us ever instituted the "class officers" policy.  (Mind you, we couldn't have even if we wanted to--how do you explain the democratic process to entry-level English learners who've never had a fair election in their lives?)

I have not been informed of the meeting's agenda, nor do I care to find out.  This whole thing is a thorn in my side.

Looks like I was right, though, about it being an attempt at keeping an eye on the teachers.  This is just so sad I don't even know why I blog about it.

Happy-Lucky Chinese New Year

This week is Chinese New Year. Even though Cambodia isn't part of China, it's still celebrated here as part of China's sphere of cultural influence. Although I'd rather be celebrating Chinese New Year in Cambodia than in China itself, it is nonetheless not without its challenges here.

First, most every institution gets the week off--except mine. The founder of this school stubbornly clings to the notion that he runs a Cambodian institution, dammit, not a Chinese one. Therefore, taking Chinese New Year off is an impossibility.

I like that attitude, actually, but unfortunately the Cambodian public does not share his sentiments. Most students don't even show up all week. Some teachers don't either, leaving the students who actually did show up wandering the hallways for an hour and a half, waiting to see if their next teacher will show up for their next class.

So far, I've cancelled two out of the three classes (you may guess that I'm typing this entry during one of my cancelled classes--because there's nothing else to do till my next class begins). In the first one, no one showed up at all. In the second, one student showed up--but she hadn't purchased her textbook yet, which she needed to do the exercises. What choice did I have but to let her go home? She'd been sitting there for an hour and a half, because her other teacher never came.

The classes you don't cancel, you're stuck entertaining about 2 to 5 students for an hour and a half. You can't teach them too much, or else you'll have to repeat it for the rest of the class, whenever they come back. You can't do too little, or else there's no point in holding class anyway. It's kind of a tough spot to be in.

I remember last year. I was just coming down with subacute thyroiditis, and I really didn't want to teach class. I was happy to see that in one of my classes, there were no students. The thyroid problem made me overheat, so I just sat underneath the air conditioner and waited for the next class.

Some guy from admin came in. "No one showed up to class?" he asked me, which I confirmed. "You have to stay here for the entire class, or else I'm not going to let them pay you for work today," he informed me.

That sounded like such bullshit to me, that I called my supervisor.

Me: Hey Barry. No one's in my class today.

Barry: Well then, you get paid free time!

Me: About that. Some guy from admin was in here and he told me that I'm not getting paid if I don't stay in the classroom. Please tell me that's rubbish.

Barry: He was from admin? Really?

Me: Yeah.

Barry: He was on his own little power trip. IGNORE.

And I did ignore it, only to discover the same guy had bothered a lot of other teachers in the same way. Not all of them were as graceful and dignified as me--some of 'em went down kicking and screaming! I guess it happens every year. No admin staffer will prevail over our right to get paid for slacking off, dammit!

And that's what I call a traditional Chinese New Year. At least they're not power-tripping this time!

Now if only no one would show up for my high school class this evening... (then that would mean I would have to walk 40 minutes only to have to walk home again--but at least I wouldn't have to teach those brats)

Brother Act

Monks and the Buddhist clergy play an important role in Cambodia's society, both historically and in a modern setting. They also play an important role, as it turns out, in my classrooms.

This was the case with the very first class I taught here. I looked down the roster, and the school had denoted the fact that one of my students-to-be was a monk. Beside each name is a gender notation--Male, Female, or Monk. I guess monks have a third gender.

Anyway, it totally freaked me out that I would have to teach an honored, respected monk. There is supposed to be a protocol for how I interact with them as a female teacher. For example, I can't just hand a paper back to a monk, because they're not supposed to accept something being held by me. There are some other points of etiquette, but I forget what they are, largely because none of my monks have ever observed the protocol. I guess to them I'm not a real woman. (Given that I sometimes forget I'm even female myself, I can't really raise any hue and cry about this one.)

Usually, I like teaching monks, because they tend to be devoted students who focus very hard and score in the high 90s on their exams. They make me look good.

I have this one class, though...where that's not quite the case. I have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR. FOUR monks. Generally, the monks sit together anyway, but this is like the lower left 25% of my classroom is devoted to the clergy. And they're not actually some of my more talented students. But they've sort of formed their own brotherly comedy troupe to compensate.

It usually goes like this:

Every day, I walk into the room. The first monk will start in on me, "GOOD AFTERNOON, TEACHER!" He will then proceed to make remarks about me in Khmer, to the great hilarity of the rest of the class. I'm never sure what he says, and I'm not sure I want to know. But I know I'm the subject of the discussion because he starts with "Nek Gru", the term for a female teacher.

Me: I don't want to hear it, Chealy.

Monk 1: But TEACHER. I don't know the English words!

Ignoring his desparate bid for attention, I'll then put a short writing assignment on the board. The second monk will start in on me, "Teacher, ENGLISH IS SO HARD. How do you even speak it? I've studied it all my life and I DON'T GET IT. I can't do it. I can't do this assignment."

Me: Yes you can.

Monk 2: Nooo....I'll never get it...

Me: Sure you will. You just have to practice lots and lots.

Monk 2: Too hard...brain...imploding...*rolls into a ball of angst and despair*

For the record, he's the first person I've ever heard actually say that English is "hard".

As we move on with class, the third monk--after staring at his blank sheet of paper for 5 minutes--will inevitably start in on me, too.

Monk 3: Teacher, I don't understand the assignment!

Me: Well, it's very simple. *explains the assignment again*

Monk 3: I STILL don't get it.

Me: Hey Sangha, do YOU understand the assignment?

Sangha: Yes, teacher.

Me: Ask Sangha.

If perchance he understands the assignment the first time around, you can count on Monk #1 not to understand. He double and triple asks about every single thing I assign (literally, every single day), even when everyone else in the class plainly understands. On some days, I think he just wants attention. He's usually the one I call on to share what he's written--and he's usually got some very interesting ideas and insights.

And he's always understood the assignment perfectly.

As for the fourth guy, well, he's a bit quieter than the rest. Still, when I gave them an assignment to develop an imaginary new product and a marketing campaign plan, he for some reason developed a plan for world domination.

Walking to the front of the class, he forcefully read the following statement:

To Build Up My Self

I want to destroy the power of a big country. The first point--All of my friendship close to the embassy. All of the economic fields, imports, exports, all products, and we begin to build up ourself and produce nuclear weapons and shoulder-fired missiles and all other weapons, and try to make relationships with other countries in the world and send the deploma to build the embassader [?] and invest all of economics.

When our country is stronger than the other country, offer that we should start making war with big countries and we'll call on our friends to help us.

His campaign plan was illustrated with a clenched fist, beneath which were inscribed the words, "powerful is my hand".

Lol, I can't make this stuff up. I thought I was supposed to be the entertainer.

Day 30: The Maginot Line

I have a daily ritual at my school. Every day before my evening class, I like to sit on the terrace on the roof and watch the sun set. I usually try to eat a snack and plan my next class, or grade papers from the previous class if I happen to be ahead of schedule that day.

Today I went up to the roof and discovered that a gate has been put along the walkway to the terrace. It had a massive padlock on it. It was very clear that there would be no more terrace-sitting, today or ever again.

Apparently, a student became suicidal and threatened to jump off the roof several days ago. Although she was dissuaded from jumping, the school decided gates with massive padlocks on them would solve the problem of suicide.

This reminds me that one time in high school when the administration told us that if students were prevented from wearing black trench-coats, that would prevent any Columbine-style copy-cat attacks. Issues of bullying, gun-ownership, contemporary US values, and the role of violence in society were not discussed, but that was ok--preventing black trench-coat ownership would prevent senseless massacres.

Yeah, it was stupid. Take it from one who habitually plotted the murder of all her peers--and never wore a black trench-coat.

Day 29: Ask Me About My Day

The events you are about to read are a normal occurrence for me.

I had a house guest coming over today--something I like to do is help travelers to Phnom Penh because I personally know how much it sucks to be broke with nowhere to stay.

I told myself I'd clear a place for him when I came home from work today...and when I came home from work today, I promptly fell asleep for two hours. When I woke up, it was nearly three o'clock...it might have been earlier if I hadn't spent an hour at KFC trying to get the internet to work. (And I paid for food today and everything...damn you KFC!!!)

Anyway, that meant I had to go to work, which started at 3:30. But because I had to get that guy this evening, I called off my evening class, first. Then I went to work.

On my way in to work, I stopped for a sandwich. While I was waiting for the sandwich, I checked my email one more time...in which the guy said he was gonna stay at another place.

By this time, I was late for work, my house was dirty, I was still half asleep, I had cancelled my other class, and now there was no legitimate reason for any of it!

LOL, so I just went home early to grade more exams. Except when I came home, there was a power outage, so that's why I've been sitting in the internet cafe for the last two hours.

Yay Randomness!!

Day 16: Tough Crowd!

I have two morning classes. They're not my favorite classes--one is super-good and quiet, but also rather passive and non-responsive. The second class is junior high school revisited.

Given that most of the students are in their 20s, it's kind of sad that they behave like bratty 7th graders. I will confess my love for them--they're hilarious, responsive, and full of energy. They also love talking--talking when I'm talking, talking when other students are speaking English, talking when writing, talking on the phone, talking during exams...the list goes on.

I can't get them to shut up for more than 20 seconds! I've tried threatening them, sending them home, shouting them down, making them write essays, and separating them. The problems with these strategies are 1) they usually make me laugh, 2) writing just gives them more ideas to talk about, and 3) everyone enjoys everyone else's company, so moving them around only excites them further.

For weeks, I've been threatening to walk out, and today I finally had to. There is just no repressing them! It's so frustrating! If they don't want to behave like students, I have no business behaving like their teacher.

It's also kind of sad, when there are so many kids in this country who would die to get an education here--but can't afford to. Meanwhile, I'm busting my butt trying to silence self-indulgent brats whose Daddy paid their way in, and who would rather play on their iPhone and gab away about clothes than listen to me. Why? Because they never had to work for a damn thing in their life!

All I can say about it is, look around you ladies and gentlemen--Asia is rising, and kids like this are the future rulers of our world. And that is going to be a tough crowd to live with.