Day 25: Why I Will Never Be Able to Hold Down A Real Job

I regret to inform you that it is once again exam week. I had to fail a student today, who blithely decided it was time to pull out his cell phone and start flipping through it, mid-exam. He said his brother had sent him a text message. Despite the fact that I repeatedly said never to do this for any reason, and despite the fact that he signed a waiver that says being caught with anything that can be used for cheating will give you an automatic zero, he still thought I was going to think this was OK. It wasn't.

I told you how women in authority are.

Now I have lots and lots of papers to grade over the next 48 hours. But lest you think I am going to complain about that, I'd actually like to tick off a few reasons why I will never be able to hold down a job in the real world, or even work at another institution.

• I have no "boss" per se, other than the head of department, and our interactions are generally limited to him asking if I'd like to cover another class
• I have a three hour lunch break, guaranteed
• I often start 10 minutes late and/or leave early, and it doesn't matter as long as I teach them what they need to know
• I control my own curricula beyond the requisite textbooks--and if I don't have any creative ideas, I can just go straight out of the book
• I can call in sick at the last minute and not catch any hell for it
• I can enforce or not enforce whatever rules I want
• I can gab away for 90 minutes about absolutely nothing and call it a lesson
• I can force people to write outlines with titles like "Monsters: An Identification Guide" or "Bombs: We Can Prevent Them from Exploding"
• We can do zany things like draw pictures, put on plays, and hold classroom olympics
• I don't have to have to call anyone "Sir" or "Ma'am" or tolerate any rudeness
• Paperwork consists of signing the attendance sheet (which is also how they know to pay me for working that day)
• "Going home early" is an incentive to make people work harder, faster.

So you can see why I sometimes ask myself: How will I ever be able to hold down another job?

The answer: I WON'T.

Now, if only I could get more ink from that durn bureaucracy...

Why Cambodia Is More Awesome Than China

About a year ago, for reasons now lost to the pages of history, I decided I really, really, really wanted to teach English in China. So I bought a visa and a ticket for the next flight to Cambodia, where there was a TESOL training program.

I thought Cambodia was great starting from the time I wheeled my luggage off the carousel and crossed customs. Not great--fabulous. In a bubble of bliss, I came to and from teacher training each day. I joyfully shopped and ate at market each day. I learned a hundred words of Khmer and some numbers and spouted them off to everyone I met.

Then the month of training came to an end, and I grudgingly, tearfully, flew to Jining, China.

As far as grungy industrial Chinese cities go, I suppose Jining was up to snuff. But I'd look up at the perpetually grey skies and the Soviet-style warehouses that Chinese people call apartments...and I'd miss the vibrancy of Cambodia.

I'd look at the shit and vomit lining the streets of Jining; I'd spend hours locked in the bathroom because of E.coli-laced Chinese food...and I'd miss the personal cleanliness standards of Cambodians.

I'd parade around like a freak for the Chinese to point and laugh at...and I'd miss the subtle cosmopolitanism of Phnom Penh.

I became a scratching post for Chinese moms (who are literally the most savage people I've come across in my time, and this includes several Middle Eastern dictators), and hell, I missed the laid-back tolerance of the Khmer people.

So I came back. My situation deteriorated rather markedly in Jining, so I booked the first flight out of Jinan and came back to Phnom Penh. Like a refugee, I carried all I owned on my back and found myself living in makeshift accommodations.

And despite workplace drama, illness, thyroid inflammations, hunger, and ignorant people thinking I'm rich, I have not regretted my return to Cambodia. Not for one moment.

I am supposed to be here.

I say this not out of infatuation. It is core knowledge. For reasons that aren't immediately clear to me, I am somehow fated to be in this country. That's as close as I can come to explaining it.

I don't know how this will play out, or what my future holds. All I ask is that you stay with me, my readers. We will discover the answer together.