Ostriches

Every so often, I have an incident in class that is so outlandish, I feel the need to report it in my blog.

First, I have a very strict "no cell phones" policy. I hate when a student takes out a phone and blithely answers it when I'm trying to teach. I HATE it.

I also hate it almost as much when my students leave the room to answer the phone. They go in and out all day, and that's very distracting.

So I tell them they're in an American classroom, and we don't behave that way in America. I tell them they're gonna get the best American education ever, and if they ever apply to study abroad, they can tell the admissions officers that they've already studied in a western-style classroom.

And today, I had a student deliberately ignore everything I have lectured the class about over the last 6 weeks.

First, his phone rang loudly. "Turn it off," I said, continuing to write the assignment on the board. Rather than obey, he raised his bootleg copy of Academic Writing over his head and proceeded to answer.

I could hear the metallic voice on the other end before I could see who exactly was talking on the phone. Turning around, I saw the kid with the book held over his face, answering the little mechanical voice he was trying to hide. As if I wouldn't notice someone clearly hiding his cell phone usage behind a book.

Me: What's wrong with you? Do you think I don't notice you holding the book in front of your face? Come on! I can hear the person on the other end of the line. How retarded do you think I am? TURN IT OFF!

But I ask you: what would even possess someone to do that? We all made fun of him for the next 5 minutes or so.

*Another time, a student of mine suddenly bent forward and buried the top half of his body in his bookbag to avoid my wrathful gaze as he answered the phone. Like I wouldn't notice that, either.