Day 18: Homecoming

Sorry if you were expecting a post yesterday. I have a thyroid problem. Although I have regained 100% energy (most of the time), I have episodes every day of random hypothyroid symptoms--hunger, migraines, puffy eyes, sleepiness, spaciness, or an aching body, to name just a few. Last night, my body suddenly decided it couldn't maintain it's normal temperature, and I started overheating. This was also at the time of the evening when it's suddenly warmer inside the internet cafe than it is outside...I had to leave, mid-entry. The heat was unbearable.

What I wanted to do was write about things that are not related to anger. I've been wanting and needing to write this all week, actually, but I felt I had more pressing concerns about my day-to-day life. I was literally praying all day that nothing remotely of interest would happen today so I could make note of the fact that I have finally moved back into my apartment. (Because, yes, I actually think the story about New Zealand nuns and the one about the marker are more important than a small thing like moving my apartment.)

I actually moved back in on Sunday night (after my vacation ended, so I couldn't even sleep in the next day, lol). I guess they figured I was complaining about the ground-floor apartment--I wasn't really; I was perfectly inclined to stay on the bottom floor. But I had left half my stuff upstairs, including a very sizeable amount of RMB--and after almost four weeks, I was starting to get antsy about it being out of my direct possession for so long. I REALLY WANTED IT BACK.

So my landlady's daughter got some guys to pull all my stuff up to the top floor on ropes. When I walked back inside, I discovered that my apartment had been totally remodelled while I was gone--my kitchen was rearranged! The refrigerator, washing machine and dryer had been all moved around.

My furniture was rearranged!

It's more cozy this way!

MY BATHROOM WAS REARRANGED!

I have to say, I love, love, love the tiling on the floor!

While everything is all squeaky clean and awesome, and all my possessions are in tact (except for the $3.00 worth of 100 riel notes I left on a shelf, grr), I somehow wish I'd just stayed downstairs.

You see, every time I walk into my old apartment, I get blasted with an intolerable wave of melancholy. It can be triggered by something as simple as seeing the TV being a different color than downstairs, or the buttons on the fan being in a different place. I can't tolerate the melancholy! I can't even be in my apartment anymore because it's so utterly depressing. Although it annoyed and frustrated me at the time, I miss all the people downstairs, and all their noises, too, somehow.

I'm at a loss to explain it, but I think this may have something to do with the fact that I was so sick here for so long. Being here reminds me of sickness, dying, suffering, and isolation. As cozy and remote as it is on my penthouse apartment, it's definitely time to move on.