There's something on my mind that's really been bothering me lately. More precisely, there's something on my head that's really been bothering me; or rather, there's something NOT on my head.
Namely, this is hair.
Under normal circumstances, I have literally enough hair on my head for at least two other people; as if to mock this fact, it generally floats in a large, uncontrollable, puffy halo around my face. However, I am no longer living under normal circumstances.
I am living under the tyranny of an out-of-control thyroid. And one of the (many) things that out-of-control thyroids do to you is make you lose hair.
Clumps of it are lying on the ground, sitting on my keyboard, floating in the breeze. When I wash what remains of it, it clogs the drain. When I touch it, it comes out between my fingers; and when I cook, it gets into my food.
Clumps of it are lying on the ground, sitting on my keyboard, floating in the breeze. When I wash what remains of it, it clogs the drain. When I touch it, it comes out between my fingers; and when I cook, it gets into my food.
I hate when it gets into my food the most. I have to spend a lot of time searching for hairs and pulling them out of the way, and it's not fun to exercise that restraint when you are unbearably hungry all the time.
The only problem is that there's not a lot of it left on my head. So I'm just going to have to pretend I'm really, really fond of hats.
- French toast. With hair!
- Ginger-chicken and rice! WITH HAIR!!
- Liver 'n' onions...with HAIR.
My fast food needs no condiments; my ice cream needs no toppings.
Hair is an eco-friendly, recyclable, high-protein food source. I am the future.
The only problem is that there's not a lot of it left on my head. So I'm just going to have to pretend I'm really, really fond of hats.
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